Is social media ruining the modern dating pool?

[Yautja]

Hello all!

As you can see I'm fairly new and this is my first post but I wanted to share with you some issues I've noticed about some of our women but because of my experiences I'm referring to most women that I've encountered. I'm a 39-year-old first-year graduate student, and when I was dating I've noticed prior to Covid-19 social restrictions, I was on the market dating (mostly black women). A few things I've noticed is that social media and reality shows have really formulated some of these women's ideas of what they believe a man ought to be. Not only is social media has effectively dictated how we communicate with each other, social media seems to influence how we have to dictate at least in my experience dictate relationships. I say all this because during my courting process mind you when I was serial dating the age range of women were between 27-40 years old, many had personal issues regarding their past and many of them took to Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook to occupy their time and to connect with people. Now, I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I don't have social media, but I've noticed many women are actively engaged in social media and discussions dealing with dating and from that, I noticed in my own life a lot of discussions that I've gotten into when getting to know some of these women tend to stem from what was said on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. In addition, a lot of these women have mental health issues stemming from the previous relationship and/or family trauma. It seems that I'm at a crossroads in dating and have since given up. Have any of you brothers experienced this? Do any of you brothers believe that social media and reality television ruining the dating pool?

[400years]

Nothing is ruining the dating pool, people just have bigger expectations from each other now. Women expect men to be able to have more and do more. Men expect women to look better and give the man a experience he hasn't had yet. I do believe that social media is to blame for the hypersexualization of things but when you look at the bigger picture isn't it just hearing and seeing the same thing from a larger group of People?

[GreenJagWar]

Social media isn't helping that's for sure!

The US government is ruining dating because of the excessive policing and terrible war policies, or the variety of ways the government forces men out of the home. And feminism has allowed Black women the use of white supremacy to tame the Black man.

[SdgtBlu]

I saw the writing on the wall when reality TV began to grow legs.

Before that, it was soap operas and talk shows, but reality TV definitely sold the notion that certain behaviors were okay because the person was on TV getting endorsements and had a show. Oprah was a problem when certain topics were being pushed against us on her show as well.

Going back to reality tv, I remember going to school with people trying to act like cast members from the Real World, and you saw the various dynamics play out. It was weird then, and it's still weird now but it can result in compensation... so they're going hard now. Even parts of certain films were played out like the scene from the Titanic film (remember that?), because certain people just wanted to live moments they saw on TV.

Cosplay transformed into a huge community resulting in costume makers earning a nice living because people want to exist where they feel like they fit in. I have no problem with that, as long as the factors aren't problematic in relationships and life in general. Fast forward to basketball wives and the real housewives of question marks, along with the fact that YouTube and social media stars exist... and you have people living moment to moment with the purpose of trying to create content to become the next sensation or the baddest you know what. They can be on a date, they can be getting a proposal, they can be giving birth or anything... and the focus is on what a group of other people think. Then there goes more of that outside influence in a relationship (normally occupied by her friends or an undercover hater).

I can't forget about the people who took hip hop and became caricatures of who they think we are. There are a lot of men who want genuine relationships with peace, and zero resemblance to Love & Hip Hop, but... it's hard to find a woman not trying to snatch a piece of that reality fantasy for themselves or at least look the part (while breaking the bank). So when you factor all this into a lot of relationships and potential relationships, courts allowing paternity fraud, child support can be adjusted almost at a moment's notice (to increase the bag), and... you have what you see.

I can't leave it at that, because you also have the glamourization of fast women and bad boys (which has been a steady drumbeat), then the surgeries come in because a number of women are chasing certain looks for more attention or a bigger bag. Strippers and fast women were put on a pedestal at clubs, but then they went viral like Kim K did (to an extent)... and they had access to the celebrity life. Listening to reason became a thing of the past to some women at that point.

The average guy is seen as a nobody in certain circles, and in some cases, this results in the simp & trick community getting a boost in numbers. A number of these guys are the reason OnlyFans is able to maintain, it's sad. I don't recommend a good guy wait for anyone to get used up only to show up later in life with problems, and someone else's children in hopes that he will be a good provider. Live your life and continue to build, but... also don't give up (keep moving without being thirsty).

There is still hope, because if you're able to make the right moves and find someone willing to take the necessary steps to move forward with you... then it's a win on both sides. Those moves would consist of taking your time, laying the cards on the table to see how they match up and if the sacrifices and compromises aren't to a bad degree. The cards would be on the table so that no one has to live a lie or uphold one. Counseling has to be a willing step before a serious relationship begins in my opinion because it helps tackle problems... versus carrying them into a new relationship. That's just a problem waiting to happen, and kids could be in the middle of it... along with the police.

It could be worth making counseling a requirement, and if she isn't willing to work on herself... would she be willing to make a relationship work?

If both of you approach the relationship equipped with the skills to be a good wife and husband without outside influences, it's a beautiful thing. I've been married since 2007.

[Yautja]

Nothing is ruining the dating pool, people just have bigger expectations from each other now. Women expect men to be able to have more and do more. Men expect women to look better and give the man an experience he hasn't had yet. I do believe that social media is to blame for the hypersexualization of things but when you look at the bigger picture isn't it just hearing and seeing the same thing from a larger group of People?

Eh, that is not necessarily true according to my opinion. As I said earlier, I've dated women of the age ranges of 27-40 and many of them are heavily involved in social media from TikTok to Instagram, to Facebook, to Twitter. I guess where I'm getting at is the majority of these women tend to do things to hide some of the internal pain they have which mostly stem from past relationships. So what I've personally noticed is a lot of these women, well, the ones I've dated, was involved in social media because it occupied their mind. So while they're not trying to heal from their past relationships, they're heavily engaged in reality television and social media. Now, getting to your point which is why I created this thread in my case because of social media many women do have unrealistic expectations. I mean from examples of what type of weddings they want (while mentioning a wedding episode on Love and Hip-Hop) to what men ought to make. With the exception of the 27-year-old, many older women have unrealistic expectations, and a lot of that I largely based on their past relationship failures. That is not to say every man that they've dealt with was bad, but because mentally they desire certain men that resemble entertainers they like only to get hurt in the process. I personally don't think women know what they want and especially since they haven't healed from their past relationships. I recently let go of a woman who had three kids (the oldest was schizophrenic and was recently locked up in a psychiatric facility). I met her on BLAK dating site, and even getting to know her I could tell she is still holding on to past traumas that she was involved in. I even had to ask her why she was even on a dating site if she is still holding onto pain from past relationships? Her response was that she "thought" she was ready. So no, women don't know what they want. I'm not sure what state/country you're from but it is not here in California especially among black women.

[Yautja]

The average guy is seen as a nobody in certain circles, and in some cases, this results in the simp & trick community getting a boost in numbers. A number of these guys are the reason OnlyFans is able to maintain, it's sad.

I'm glad you mentioned that because OnlyFans is definitely taking off and I think it's a temporary result of the "spirit of the times" right now and I don't see it being stable over time in the future as something will always arise to outdo the previous competition. But you're right, the average guy is seen as a nobody I know I was. By average, I mean most "very attractive black women" here in Cali are moved by guys that have bread. Me being a college guy right now pursuing a degree that eventually will gin me six or more figures in my future career was not enough to give me a shot it seems most women I've encountered wanted current gratification like what they see on social media and reality T.V. I really think most women don't take accountability. Now as much as I dislike Kevin Samuels way of portraying himself as someone who has a licensure background or someone who is certified I do agree in part with his platform on the female's not taking accountability and have delusional standards especially when they're my age (I'm 39) and have been ran through the ringer for years.

[SdgtBlu]

I'm not exactly familiar with Kevin Samuels, I'm guessing he's a dating coach? I do agree and promote the value of personal responsibility if a relationship is going to stand a chance. There can't be an elephant sitting in a room going ignored because a particular woman feels as if no one has the right to address her.

There is a more effective approach instead of being dogged out. If someone is willing to move forward with you after accomplishing certain requirements, it could spare you the trouble. Stay safe out there.